Gay parents may not be that different, says UK experts

Joshua's parents believe he performed well and did not face discrimination. (Photo: James Chan)

Playing a board game with his parents, greeting guests with a big smile, refusing to take bath, Joshua* is no different from a typical five-year-old boy in London, except for his family set up.

Joshua was adopted by a gay couple, Kasper and Ashley, three years ago in London. They applied for adoption right after the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) adoption law was implemented in 2005 in England, as they always wanted to have a kid.

According to the Department for Education in the UK, 420 adoption orders were made for children placed with same-sex couples from 2006 to 2010. Although it is still a small number compared to the around 3200 adoptions cases per year in the UK, it provides the UK with a leading position on LGBT adoption compared to other European countries, which has only a very few successful cases for most of the countries.

Regarding the unpromising figures in most countries, including Denmark, worries about gay parenting have always been one of the biggest obstacles on gay adoption. Attaching negative connotation to gay parenting, biological parents tend to refuse to give their child to gay parents as they believe it is harmful for the child’s development. However, experts in the UK tell a different story.

Psychological impacts on child are insignificant
“Generally the outcome is good. … There is very little sense that it affects the child’s own identity, that doesn’t seem to be determined at all by the sexuality of your parents,” said John Simmonds, the director of policy, development and research of British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF), which is one of the largest non-governmental organizations (NGOs) working on family-finding and consultancy of adoption in the UK.

According to research done by BAAF, which specifically focused on married women who have kids and then break up with their husbands and establish a lesbian relationship afterwards, there is no major psychological impact on their child.

Similar results can be found in research done in America. Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute found that although there is relatively little direct research on gay or lesbian parents, the findings show that the adopted children adjusted positively and their families function well.

Petty discriminations are posed in an open country
“I believe children adopted by gay couples generally do well, though there are probably some effects like peer or social stigma, which cause stress along the way,” said Mary Target, Professor of Psychoanalysis of the University College of London.

Regarding the different family set up, children may be teased or discriminated among peers. But it is not that profound in England which shares high acceptance on homosexuality among the society.

“To be honest, I don’t think he has been teased. Sometimes there have been questions … like, ‘why do you have two dads?’, and I think Joshua doesn’t seem to be afraid, he seems to be quite proud of it.”

“In London, families come in all shapes and sizes. … Multicultural family, single parents, two mums, two dads … It doesn’t feel like you are the kind of the odd one out,” said Kasper. “One of the things we try is to embrace the different.”

Advantages rather than disadvantages
Working as a media coordinator and independent consultant in New Family Social, which is an UK-wide network group for LGBT adopters and foster carers, Peter McGraith believes that gay parenting could even be an advantage to children if the parents instill confidence into their kids.

McGraith said research has found that children from minority ethnic groups, who had been brought up by parents who had actually tried to address explicitly and intentionally their child identity as a positive difference, will feel less inferior compared to the others. He believes the same logic can be applied to kids raised in a gay family.

“It seems like an advantage as they have already started to deal with quite a sophisticated issue,” said McGraith.

Gay parent is just another parent

“We don’t see us as special. We just see us as parents,” said Ashley. “You still have to take your children to school, take them to clubs; you have to feed your children … All and no more things that parents do, whether you are gay or heterosexual.”

“Children have needs for being loved, looked after, helped to achieve their potential … All those basic needs which I think you can meet regardless you are a man, a woman, two guys or two girls or whatever,” said Kasper.

Kasper and Ashley have decided to adopt another boy a year ago. They are looking forward to letting their kids meet each other, and constructing a larger family together.

*Some of the interviewees’ names have been changed or omitted at their request.

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Want to know more about Joshua’s family? Click the following link to watch the video:
Gay adoption: a successful case in UK

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